The ‘Silent’ Effects of Tinnitus Highlighted on the Big Screen

I finally just got round to going to see the much talked about movie of the moment “A Star is Born” last night. While I knew before I went that alcohol and drug addiction would be key to the storyline I was also surprised to see another topic even closer to home also highlighted - a condition I have lived with for 4 years now… The ‘silent’ illness called tinnitus.

Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga star in “A Star is Born” Image © Warner Brothers

I am by no means a movie critic and I also don’t want to spoil the movie for those of you who have yet to see it , however, the movie is based on the story of musician Jackson Maine (played by Bradley Cooper) who discovers − and falls in love with − struggling artist Ally (Lady Gaga). When she meets Jackson in a bar she has just about given up on her dream to make it as a singer but he manages to coax her to fulfill her dream by inviting her on stage at one of his concerts. However, after their romance blossoms and Ally's career takes off it is soon discovered that Jackson is battling an addiction to prescription drugs and alcohol and is also affected mentally by tinnitus and hearing loss since childhood.

According to www.audiology-worldnews.com “The drugs that he is addicted to have been prescribed to help with his tinnitus, which periodically brings him close to anxiety attacks and temper tantrums. Maine's manager and otolaryngologist urge him to wear in-ear monitors, − custom-moulded ear plugs that block sound and allow musicians to hear their voices and instruments over loud audiences and speakers − but he refuses. Over the course of the film, the tinnitus gets worse, and Maine fails to manage it appropriately.”

David Stockdale, CEO of the British Tinnitus Association said of the depiction: "Tinnitus features in a Star is Born throughout - from when the lead character, Jackson Maine comes off stage in the first scene and hears ringing. Jackson dismisses using hearing protection - feeling it impedes his live performance. He doesn't look to address his tinnitus and hearing loss - which he has from childhood. The film gives a harrowing, raw account of the very real impact tinnitus can have."

The ‘SILENT’ Illness

The thing with suffering with something like tinnitus and hearing loss is it is can be so difficult for anyone who doesn’t suffer with it to understand, as like any other invisible illness if someone sees you ‘looking well’ they can often presume you are ‘doing well’. It is so hard to describe the feeling of not being able to escape from the sound. That is why for me personally my meditation and mindfulness practices have helped me daily to acknowledge the sound and try to teach myself to allow it to just be. Some days are more difficult than others but once again the beauty of mindful practice is you begin to understand that every day is different and how you are feeling in one moment - no matter how bad that is or how loud the noise is in that very moment - it will change again in another. Okay, it won’t stop or go away but you might feel differently.

Mindfulness helps me deal with the constant ringing and also hearing loss daily

“It is so hard to describe the feeling of not being able to escape from the sound. That is why for me personally my meditation and mindfulness practices have helped me daily to acknowledge the sound and try to teach myself to allow it to just be.”

Some people may watch this movie and not pay too much attention to the tinnitus part unless they either know someone with tinnitus or suffer with it themselves but it is great to see a movie of this magnitude bring attention to this ‘silent’ illness (that’s in actual fact far from silent to the tinnitus sufferer!) so that people suffering with it don’t feel alone.

The American Tinnitus Association (ATA) have also been raising awareness of the condition and the extreme impact tinnitus can have on people. In seeking to depict Maine’s condition as realistically as possible, Cooper cast his own doctor, Dr. William Slattery, president of the House Ear Clinic, to play his doctor in the movie. In their press release, the ATA say that Cooper portrays with exacting detail and mirrors the reality of someone struggling with tinnitus.

I was also delighted to read that the American Tinnitus Association have also been raising awareness of the condition and the extreme impact it can have on people and also to discover other articles that had been written about the tinnitus since the movies release - one which I discovered on the Refinery 26 website with the headline “A Star Is Born Shows How Serious Tinnitus Can Be” written by health writer Cory Stieg. She writes:

“Tinnitus is defined as a perception of sound in the head that's not produced by sound waves, says LaGuinn Sherlock, AuD, a research audiologist at Walter Reed Army Medical Center. Technically, tinnitus is produced by extra electrical activity in the brain after there's been damage in the ear and auditory system. Damage could be a severe injury to the head and neck, excessive earwax, sinus pressure, or a traumatic brain injury. Often, tinnitus is associated with noise-induced hearing loss, which is why it's common among musicians, explains Christopher Chang, MD, an otolaryngologist in Warrenton, VA. In fact, some studies suggest that between 17-43% of rock musicians have chronic tinnitus.

Simply thinking about an incessant buzzing, beeping, humming, or static noise in your head is annoying enough to make most of us cringe, but tinnitus can affect people's mental health and well-being in a very serious way. "A lot of people with bothersome or intrusive tinnitus are experiencing depression and or anxiety because of the ringing," Dr. Sherlock says. On top of that, "some people who are already depressed or anxious are more likely to react to having ringing in the ears than if they were not already depressed or anxious." An estimated 48-78% of people with severe tinnitus also have depression, anxiety, or other behavioral disorders, according to the American Tinnitus Association. In some cases, these associated conditions can lead to suicidal ideation, according to the Hearing Health Foundation.

Unfortunately, there is no cure for tinnitus, so people have to simply manage symptoms. To keep tinnitus from getting worse, the best thing patients can do is protect their hearing by wearing hearing aids, or noise-maskers, Dr. Sherlock says. Sometimes, people with tinnitus are prescribed antidepressants or anti-anxiety medications — like Xanax and Valium — to alleviate some of the emotional effects of the condition, but psychiatric medications are typically not considered the best first approach for treatment, she says. "Such prescription medications are addictive and have gone out of favor; such medications are no longer considered appropriate in the treatment of tinnitus," Dr. Chang says.

David Stockdale, CEO of the British Tinnitus Association have also spoken about the movie and said: "The film gives a harrowing, raw account of the very real impact tinnitus can have."

48%-78% of people with severe tinnitus suffering with depression, anxiety or other behavioral disorders (American Tinnitus Association - see above) is a very high statistic so I hope people to continue to be informed about tinnitus and the effects it can have. I also hope that others who suffer may also find help in living with theirs like I have from the MBSR (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction) Programme, and by introducing mindfulness into my life. While those difficult days are still there - and today happens to be one of them - I will still do my best to think of it as my internal alarm bell which has allowed me to pause, move a bit slower, connect with myself a bit more and be more present in my life. I guess it also led me here - to start MoMe - and also given me the courage to speak publicly about my journey and to write - here on this blog - and share my journey with you. So in a way - even though it has taken the external sound away from going into my left ear, and there is no escaping the ringing that never stops form inside my head, on bad days like today I guess I can still feel some gratitude for all the more things it has allowed me to see.

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If you are or know someone affected by Tinnitus and or hearing loss Deaf Hear provide excellent support and can be contacted on Tel: +353 (0)1 8175700 and also have offices nationwide

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If you are suffering alone with tinnitus and finding it particularly difficult at the moment please talk to someone or call:

Samaritans on 116 123 or

SMS: 087 260 9090

Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week

Reassessing the meaning of "having it all"

This pic was taken one morning in October 2008 after I was asked by the Limerick Leader newspaper to take part in a feature titled "Can Women Have it All". I remember getting myself and my daughter ready that morning - we both got all dressed up and ready to be photographed. After the photographs were taken I was called by Anne Sheridan, a journalist with the Limerick Leader to ask me what I thought about working mums having to juggle their careers and motherhood and could we really have it all?

It is funny reading back through the article 10 years later as while I spoke about the positive changes motherhood brings to your life and also the pressure I did feel to get back to work as I had my own company I also said "..if you're willing to accept that there's going to be change, and are willing to balance it, you can have it all." Right there and then at that point in my life I did see that I had it all - I was creative director of my own successful award winning design agency and I was also an equally successful mum as my daughter was now 2 years old and I was managing everything perfectly well.

What exactly is "Having it all"?

Now that I am 10 years older - and hopefully 10 years wiser - I would now have paused when asked that question and asked  "Well what is having it all?"

When I became a mum I was very fortunate that my husband was looking after the business side of the company so I could concentrate on the design and art direct the designers we had working for us but I still worked so hard and all the final branding and design - which was at the end of the day what we were selling - was down to me. 

I briefed the designers, I oversaw the design from start to finish - I was also designing myself, coming up with concepts, taglines for new logos and presenting the designs to our clients. This also meant I needed to look my best at all times - because in the branding and design industry how you present yourself is part of your own brand. The business had been built on our reputation for attention to detail so everything needed to be done to the highest of standards. We were an International award winning design agency and there was a reason for that.

The pressure we put on ourselves

I approached motherhood in the same way as I approached everything I did in my life - I wanted to give it 110% - I knew that from the moment I became pregnant and because I was extremely sick for my entire pregnancy (between my back and hyperemesis) her arrival felt even more beautiful. Due to the titanium rods in my back I needed to have a general anesthetic for her delivery so I felt so lucky to hold her and after I was awoken from my operation and held her for the first time - like any mum will understand - I felt so much love for her and I had an immediate urge to give her all the attention and motherly love she deserved.

I was going to be the best mum I could possibly be and 2 years later when this interview was done I knew and felt I was doing a good job. Was I completely knackered? Yes, all of the time! But once I felt that I was doing everything as best I could, me feeling tired didn't really come into the equation. I just kept on going. My husband would say it to me all the time to take a break and rest but while I listened to him say the words I never really did anything about it. I just kept on going.

I decided shortly after my daughter was born that I would work a 4 day week so I could spend more time with her but because it was my own business I never really switched off for that day. For the first year and a bit I had the support from both grandparents so my husband regularly suggested that maybe I should look at leaving my daughter with his mum on a friday morning so that I could have a few hours for myself - or to catch up on things I needed to but I wouldn't hear of it. I was consumed with so much guilt as a working mum that I insisted on taking my daughter with me - including doing the food shopping!

By the time she was 2 she was full-on and energetic (as most mums who have ever had a 2 year old know), so food shopping could be exhausting but I felt that once she was with me that's what mattered. By that time she was also in a creche as she enjoyed being with other children but I never once considered sending her to creche when I was off so I could do the shopping and maybe even a cup of tea on my own (- what??? A cup of tea on my own??? That would be the most selfish thing any working mother could do - right???) I never thought that my daughter might actually benefit from a relaxed, recharged mum picking her up at lunchtime!

“I never thought that my daughter might actually benefit from a relaxed, recharged mum picking her up at lunchtime!”

I brought her to the library or the park after I did the shopping - everything that I had dreamed of doing as a mum and I would spend every Sunday cooking everything from scratch for the week ahead from every Annabelle Carmel cookbook written. All to be "the best mum" I could be to her. Or at least what I thought was the "best mum I could be".

I rarely stopped to slow down to take a breath and listen to what I needed. That was at a time when I hadn't a clue what self-care or self-love really was. If the term had been mentioned to me I would have just thought it sounded selfish. Full stop. I knew what I was doing after all - didn't I?

Self-Care is Never Selfish

Back then I never made the connection between being on an airplane and the oxygen masks being deployed in the cabin - and motherhood - who do they tell you to tend to first? The message is always loud and clear - put your own mask on before you attend to your children. Self-care isn't just about having your hair or nails done - as I would have thought - it's about really taking care of yourself by resting, listening to your body, relaxing your mind, being present with yourself and really knowing what your needs are.

“As women we sometimes feel we need to prove so much to each other and to ourselves.”

As women we sometimes feel we need to prove so much to each other and to ourselves. We want everyone to know we're doing a great job and we have our 'sh-t' together, when in actual fact it's perfectly okay to say "I'm not okay", or  "I'm struggling a bit", or "I find it difficult sometimes" We're not machines but sometimes we feel we have to operate like one - and even machines get to unplug every now and then! So many women don't open up about this and as a result it can lead to many women suffering in silence.

Listen to Your Body

I suffered alot with my back after my second child was born and once again I had had hyperemesis - but this time it was worse and I also had it all through my pregnancy. The recovery is also slow due to the general anesthetic and the complications with my back so I ended up being off work for a while after my son was born with my back but once again found it very difficult to rest - there was always something to be done! Well, that's what I kept telling myself anyway. My husband would constantly say "leave it" or "don't worry about it" but I never listened.

You would have thought after that and other injuries that I developed after 2 car crashes I was involved in that I would have now started to listen to my body or at least connected with it in some way? Not a chance! I was eager to get back to myself but would never have dreamed that resting might just speed the process up - I was too impatient with not moving - too impatient with recovery - too impatient to slow down.

“It took tinnitus and becoming deaf for my mind to finally listen to my body. The loud noise ringing in my head was like my body screaming at me to pay attention.”

It took tinnitus and becoming deaf for my mind to finally listen to my body. The loud noise ringing in my head was like my body screaming at me to pay attention. The MBSR (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction) Course I completed was the start of a new mindset change for me. Mindfulness and meditation has completely changed my life. I have written about all the benefits I have experienced in other blog posts so I won't go into too much detail here but I am now at a place in my life when I feel more contentment than ever before. I practice every day, I have for me what feels like the perfect balance between work and being a mum and now that I give myself the time I need each day to sit with my myself in meditation and my practice I now have a clarity in my mind that means I can be present for my children when I am with them. I have recently made decisions in my career that gives me the freedom to continue to work and use my creativity in my design but above all it has given me the clarity to make choices that are best for me, and for my family. Not clouded decisions based on what you think is the right thing to do or worse - what you think everyone else thinks you should do!

Empower not pressure

Thankfully I built my design business at a time before the hashtag "Girlboss" existed and often when I see quotes like "Hustle your muscles" and watch women doing all they can to get ahead - it concerns me. I can see so many young girls who become so focused on staying on top of their game and getting ahead in business that they can loose so much focus not only on what they are about but also on their real needs. There's a fine line between empowering women and putting pressure on women - knowing the difference is what's important.

“There’s a fine line between empowering women and putting pressure on women - knowing the difference is what’s important.”

One of the most amazing things about practicing mindfulness is it teaches you to live in the now as opposed to past but it doesn't mean you can't learn from what the past has taught you. I will never regret working as hard as I did for those years - both professionally and as a mum as I believe everything you do in this life makes you stronger but if I could give any advice to my younger self I would have taken more time to check in with myself and ask myself "how are you doing?" once and awhile. I would definitely introduce myself to the power of the breath and taking a moment to listen to it because back then I can't ever remember having a breath!

I fully understand that so many of us women have to work and are doing so for financial reasons only - not career choices or because they want to but it doesn't matter what your circumstances we all have the same needs as women and we all - every single one of us - need to realise the importance of checking in with ourselves and taking small moments to breathe throughout our busy days because whether you work or not - or whether you are a mum or not - life is fast and hectic.

Ten years older and thankfully wiser

So if my now 12 year old daughter in the above pic ever asks me can women have it all - I would probably answer the same - "Yes, 100% we can have it all!" - because we are brave, powerful and strong but never lose sight of what you're about - what you already have in your life and what in actual fact makes you happy.

The more we connect with ourselves the more clarity we have to see what works best for us in both our personal or professional lives. This will help us develop the tools to see ways to make small changes to find the balance we often yearn for or make big changes if we feel they are necessary.

We may even discover that 'having it all' doesn't have to mean 'doing it all'. 'Having it all' can be as as simple as being awake and aware enough to realise and appreciate that in actual fact when you stop to notice - you already do.